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it's as if

summer's my reset button.
all of the stress from school, drama, future-planning, etc. goes away
as soon as july hits,
and the sun stays out as if it could drive,
and good movies start to seem better,
and old songs become new again.

but it's also as if
just thinking about senior year
resets the reset button, breaking it until another, better day comes.
all the do-it-now scholarships,
the make-sure-you-think-about-college talks,
the you-can-still-make-those-up scores,
thoughts of what-were-you-thinking ap courses...
it doesn't seem fair.

i don't want to think about the future.
i want to live in the present.
but as always,
things are easier said than done, even if the saying is cliche.
i realize that everything worth having is worth fighting for,
but how do i fight for something i'm not sure i want?
i wanna do this, i wanna do that,
but if i only get one chance,
do i really want it?
second chances are never the same.
sure, they're there. they exist.
they're not first chances, though.

summer's my reset button.
but it's also what i make it to be.

and i can't make it what i want it to be.
not really.


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